they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made him laugh his dick is mine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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