My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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