so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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