I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize