Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
