Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love black thongs
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
