Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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