If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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