When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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