So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
