My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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