too bad you live with your parents still
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
