I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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