why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
