i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
