I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
