I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
