this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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