Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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