I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
