other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
