I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
