Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
