do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
