He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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