I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
