Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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