Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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