Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
