fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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