ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
