OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
