I cockslap morals
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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