I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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