She's JV to your varsity
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
