Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
