I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
