Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
