so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
