I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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