Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
