There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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