you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
