Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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