Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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