used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
