Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
