Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
