you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
