At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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