Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize