the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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