I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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