i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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