My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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