so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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