Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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