I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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