The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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