i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
