Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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