i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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