I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
