I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
