So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
