where am i from again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
