$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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