At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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