If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
